The luxury of self-actualization.

the tweet that inspired this post

My dad came to Canada in 1990 with a duffle bag containing a few jackets, 50 euros and a dream (plus fake papers).

He didn’t know a lick of english, just hi, bye and thank you. He didn’t know anyone in Canada. He was 23 and decided to abandon his life on the other side of the world for a chance to build something new. He was brave.

His sacrifice to come to Canada later brought me into existence in 1999.

My mom was 23 when I was born. She was new in Canada and so anxious about everything. She hated going to language school, she hated going to dental assistant training and most of all, she hated being away from her family. She would cry every day and was sick with stress — while also having to take care of me (and I was a terrible baby).

My parents never spent their twenties learning about themselves. They worried about survival.

Where the next paycheque was coming from. Who would take care of our baby. How can we move to a safer neighbourhood. Why is our baby crying so much.

I have spent days of my life searching for purpose. I have engaged in countless activities searching for meaning. I have travelled across the world searching for fulfillment.

I have had the luxury of self-actualization. I get to sit here and ponder on who I am, how I came to be and where I want to go — all in the pursuit of a more meaningful life. I break down my limiting beliefs, my biases, my doubts. I learn about myself in an intricate way.

My parents never got this luxury. It’s why I sometimes see the child version of themselves when I look in their eyes too long.

While I was out here searching for my personal mission, they were worrying about maintaining the roof over our head. It’s as if their 20-something year-old selves are trapped in their 50-something year old bodies. They had to put a hard pause on their own personal development for me.

I wonder if I’ll do the same. I feel sad when I think of who my parents could’ve been had they focused on their own growth.

But amongst it all, I feel so blessed that I can take everything I’ve learned from their struggle to survive and hopefully give them a life where they too can search for purpose, meaning and fulfillment.